I've been living here on the south coast for a little over a month now, which has been aglow with new opportunities outside the scope of a locked down city and light pollution. I feel beyond privileged to be here and as a result I'm slightly hesitant to write about the experience because it's one that is not shared by many people in the world. But I'll tell my version of the truth because that is always more important than a performative introspective on 'what we're all feeling'. Because we may all be in the same storm, but we're all in very different boats.
I'm currently sitting at my desk hunched over because I haven't gotten my self organised enough to buy a proper chair. I'm wearing a turtle neck (as per usual) despite it being super warm and I'm considering how many lunches is too many lunches to just throw down a punnet of strawberries instead of cooking something with substance. I love it here, spending time with my mum after living away for ten years and connecting with old friends and places has given me something I didn't know I was missing.
Today I want to write about: what is meant, what is said and what is heard.
This concept was first brought to me during some *very thrilling* HR training at a previous company. The topic was workplace behaviour and how the legislation and policy is almost entirely designed around what is interpreted or felt by the receiver of the behaviour, rather than what is actioned. Then, last week my beloved Aunty was talking to me about it- and here we are.
I've gone through life thinking that what I was saying and what I meant, was exactly what the other person was hearing/understanding... which is unbelievably not the case. With some maturity and a few rude awakenings, I've realised that I can come off harsh, blunt or on the flip side, far too enthusiastic about something to the point of being slightly fake. It's fun. I love it.......
To try to negate this, I've become an advocate for dress rehearsing tragedy in my mind. Again, it's fun, I love it...I think we all rehearse conversations and their infinite outcomes many times before they occur- but what we often fail to remember is that the other person has arrived at the conversation with all their baggage and business. They don't even know what they're going to say; so how can we?
This week I had to have a hard convo about something in my life, and after doing about 30 dress rehearsals of the talk, then practicing my replies, I gave up and put the phone away. When you are operating in a way that sees you talking to people how you *think* they want to be spoken to, or when you speak to them with white lies and contextual clues relevant to their life (but probs not relevant to the truth) what can be heard and interpreted ends up being a bland soup of mis-information. Said soup is masquerading as something Nigella Lawson would cook (aka messily put together but looks lush and abundant... and we have no idea what it tastes like because it's on TV).
So after I had some more major gut feelings about it, I did my best to make sure that the 3 corners of the meaning, speaking, hearing triangle were as close to the truth as possible.
I asked myself first, What do I want to say?
Then I asked, Why do you want to say it?
And finally I asked, Are you confident and content enough in that statement, no matter what is heard on the other end?
And I think (you'd have to ask them though) that it worked.
My hands were sweaty, and I typed it maybe 5 times but I had to be honest about the thing because if I didn't, the gut feelings would start to expand and I'd end up in another situation where I said one thing, meant another and who even knows what the person heard.
We live in a world that is shoving falsities, exaggerations and context free statistics down our throats from dawn to dusk. I think, if we all just told the truth a bit more and people began to expect that from us, we'd all be closer to intent and understanding being the same. And through that, a life more fulfilled by reality and honesty than delusions and distrust.
But I will say, exaggeration is the key to a good story; never would I suggest giving that up ;)
M x
Daily Ceremony acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the traditional custodians of the land we work on, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.
Ceremony [ ser-uh-moh-nee ] A unified ritualistic event with a purpose, usually consisting of a number of artistic components, performed on a special occasion. Aka, life.
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