Images by @madisonem_ Over the coming months I'll be sharing with you the stories, beauty, muck and mire of motherhood. With words written as collaborations between my mother friends & myself (a mother only to her house plants), with pictures captured through my lens. Let's sit.
MEGAN. Megan is a woman for women. A woman who in her career as a midwife, performs total and unyielding support for the ritual of birth. A woman who in her relationships and friendships, makes space for true connection. A woman who in her parenting is raising a little woman with strength and safety and sweetness.
When you first meet Megan, you'll likely experience the feeling that she is deeply known to herself. You'd be right. Her instagram bio states core truths; 'curious, adventurous, restless, independent' - all of which are revealed to you when you spend time with her upon a cloud of calm and relaxed elegance. My bio only says the things I do not the things I am... but perhaps that's a conversation for me and my therapist.
I've known Megan for some time, weaving in and out of coffee shops and supermarket aisles with smiles and 'Hey's'. Yet our initial meeting was a few years back - introduced by a mutual friend of ours who often connects people together with cosmic intention. Another woman for women I would call her.
When Megan's beloved friend Jess approached me to gift a photo shoot of baby Pippa, I was nervous. Megan is a deeply creative person, and with that comes a certain responsibility to truthfully capture these raw, delicious, complex moments 'well'. I knew Megan to be what my Nana would call a born mother, which is not how everyone experiences their coming into parenthood. Because of that, I felt it was essential I captured the textures and smells and feelings of her new life in the family unit she and her partner created together. So we chose the lush, floral bush of my place.
When they arrived on the property I think she had her clothes off in about 45 seconds. Changing into different linens and patterns at my request with a comfort I could only dream of...perhaps a comfort that can only come form giving birth I thought.
We spent time outside under my washing line, brining to life a very specific vision I had using my ex's grandmother's table cloth hanging from the giant loops of line my landlords hung for me - just in case I started to do laundry for the local football team haha.
Megan and Pippa were the most generous of models - exposing an exquisite tapestry of freckles, stretch marks, beauty spots and the most divine cherry blossom pink skin they share. After 30 mins of Pip being the champion of all champions, we moved into my tiny shack to escape the sun; her partner Will hovering with a love and softness ready to jump in whenever needed. I asked him to dive in to the shot (not literally), and they sat either side of little Pip at my dining room table happily, despite the sweltering and humid heat. With a fan set up 'side stage' Beyonce style, I asked them about how they met, how they got together and how they transitioned from dating to parents. My mum says I always ask too many questions, and the questions are too deep too quick - but that's where all the juicy stuff lives I tell her defiantly... and you certinaly wouldn't be reading a blog right now without the trait teachers dubbed 'enquisitive and not afraid to ask ANY question she wanted'. Sorry Mrs Williamson.
Megan and Will's stories unfolded in flutters between kissing Pippa on the cheeks and combing their fingers through her wispy curls and I must admit, it made my ovaries ache. Now, three months later - there are new stories to tell here on the Ceremony. It might be helpful to note here, that I sent Megan these questions via email rather than meeting in person - so it's a slightly different style to Renée's. Ready? Let's go!
Describe your relationship to motherhood for me ''It didn’t dawn on me that I was going to be a mother until I was being serenaded by my good friend and midwife Celine during my baby shower, at 35 weeks pregnant. I had been so consumed with the notion of having a baby. It’s all I had ever wanted since I was a baby myself...
The last line in the song (she sang) said I was going to be a mother. That’s when it hit me. I was getting a whole new title and role in life too. I burst. I ugly cried so hard I snorted.
I have a wonderful mother who gave me a brilliant childhood and still continues to mother and nurture me today. So my relationship with motherhood began in my infancy. The transition for me has been an easy one, because I’ve always been a mothering soul and I’ve been lucky to be surrounded by so many women who have shown me the way. It’s definitely the most challenging role I’ve ever embarked upon but it’s also the most natural.''
New thoughts about ongoing feelings
''When we were chatting on Instagram, the thing I wanted to talk to you about was the unexpected grief I experienced becoming a new mum. I grieved hard. I grieved the fact that I will realistically only get to do this one more time. I would give birth every day if I could. It is the most wonderful experience. There is no high that compares. No drug can give you the feelings having a baby gives you. I guess I’m lucky I’m a midwife and I get to experience other women’s births with them. I cried daily about how much Pippa was changing in front of my eyes. Which also served as a reminder to soak in every moment. Be present. Even the days where I’m so sleep deprived my left eye just won’t stop twitching, I don’t wish for any of it to fast forward.''
Talk me through the ways you feel most changed through motherhood, and the most grounded
''Becoming a mother has changed me both physically and mentally. I have stretch marks for days and I don’t fit in to any of my old clothes. I have boobs so stretchy I can feed my baby to sleep in her cot. I am proud of what this body has done though...I grew and birthed a 4kg baby and I have nurtured her with my milk for 7 months with no signs of that ending anytime soon.
I will say, it's made me a constant risk assessor. My brain is constantly assessing for danger and preventing accidents. I am a lot less relaxed and carefree than I once was, because it’s not just me to consider anymore. My needs don’t come first. It has taken a while for me to let go and change what I expect out of a day.''
"When Pippa was first born I felt an urge to get a lot done. I think that was because I worked so much leading up to going on maternity leave and then for 5 weeks before she was born I filled my social calendar to the brim. It wasn’t natural for me to be at home just pottering about or doing nothing at all. I altered my expectations of the day and now I feel a great sense of accomplishment if I have just brushed my teeth, had a shower and a poo. Just three small things for myself, they're grounding. My mum asked me if I was reading any mothering books leading up to having a baby. I said nope, I’m reading murder books! I probably should have done some research. But I didn’t. So I tried to read the entire internet with a tiny newborn about all major of things. Blocked tear ducts, feeding to sleep, 4 month sleep regression. I questioned whether I was doing too much or not enough, often. I decided enough was enough and I just decided one day to turn my thinking brain off and trust my feeling brain. Let intuition guide the way. I think it’s worked out ok because I have a very happy baby that beams like a ray of sunshine.''
What's one 'Daily Ceremony' you make sure you complete as a mother?
''The practical answer here would be the dinner, bath, bed routine. But it’s not always ceremonious. It’s often filled with grizzling and tears in a rush to get that peace and quiet of laying together while I put Pippa to sleep. We very rarely skip it though because it makes all the difference in getting her to sleep.
The afternoons can sometimes feel like the longest part of the day so I fill them with cuddles and tickles and Pippa rewards me with giggles and snuggles ''
What are your biggest hopes for Pip? Describe a vision you have of your family in the future
''She is always told how beautiful or cute she is so I try to balance that out with telling her how gentle and kind and clever she is too. I hope she grows to be a kind flower. A kind and happy girl. She definitely knows how loved she is. That’s all I really want for her, to be happy.
If you ask what I see for us as a family, there’s one more to come and we are combing the sand at dusk looking for beach treasures. Just the four of us. Simplicity. ''
Although the story Megan tells us today isn't filled with 'big T' trauma, I chose her story to follow Renée's to convey how varied these motherhood stories can be. Of the 25 mothers who have since reached out to tell their experience to the Daily Ceremony circle, I don't think one shares the same narrative. Some will be telling you about going 3.5weeks 'over', some about emergency c-sections. Some will speak to unexpected pregnancy, and others to having more children than arms to carry. Megan's words have reminded me of the feeling we all get after we've been through something big. That we aren't ever going to be the same, there's no 'getting back to our old selves'; like a Russian doll we get a new shell - carrying the previous versions of ourselves inside us to fuel our behaviours and decisions and choices in the future. I love how she talked about the sadness of watching your baby grow so quickly, whilst cradling the unimaginable fascination and joy of that.
I'd like to thank Megan for her generosity of spirit, allowing us into her psyche as she navigates the newness and familiarity of nurturing a newborn.
Let's all try to be 'for' each other a little more this week.
I saved the BEST image til last.......
With love until then,
M. x
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